– and the worst part of being in this mania is that even though it feels like all the thoughts in my brain are jostling to leave my vocal tract first, so much so that it’s hard to breathe and I’m seriously wondering if I’m going to vomit up alphabet soup, the words just don’t come – the only sound that I can make is a guttural noise like I’m being punched in the stomach over and over again even though there’s nothing and no one there and please, please, please, someone, anyone, remind me of how I’m supposed to talk again – the words, the lights, everything is flashing before my eyes except for what I really needed to remember, somehow, somehow, I’m not surprised –